Crime Stories
Last week’s local paper’s front page was full of stories about crime and crime fighters. It was a pip.I can’t wait for this week’s edition to see how they interpret the Joos story.
The headline was “Jane Bank Burglarized.” No kidding, Sherlock. It used to be that banks were built like Greek temples. Supposedly the sturdy buildings gave customers confidence that their money was secure and held safely. Lately in McDonald County, it has been the custom to build the cheapest construction possible – either like a pole barn or just haul in a trailer & set up business. Apparently, the Jane Bank was of the latter persuasion. The burglars must have had cased the joint pretty well and knew exactly where the safe was, so they cut a hole in the back of the trailer, drilled into the safe & fled with $6,000. Deputy Gow or Glow (the account differs in spelling) said they had some strong leads. Earlier another bank near the state line was allegedly robbed twice by a father/son team. They were eventually apprehended and await trial. However, the pair was pretty gutsy as the bank is across the street from a Sheriff’s sub-station.
A second story was about Lanagan. Now Lanagan is a small town that had the distinction of getting smaller in the 2000 Census - the only town in the county that failed to grow. You might ask, why? I’m sure there are many good reasons, but one might be a problem or two centered around city government.
Several years ago, the City Clerk disappeared in January. A smoker, she left behind her purse and cigarettes. There was a widespread search including bloodhounds on her property and areas where she was known to have been. In April her body was found in a shed in her own back yard. A deputy was heard to say she was found in the “fecal position”. No, I’m not making that up. Her death, caused by a single stab wound in the abdomen, was ruled a suicide because it was reported that “women don’t like to cut their clothes.” As a former smoker, Marilyn said that if she were feeling a little depressed, she would sure want a last cigarette – One for the road, so to speak. Sounds like a project to Cold Case Files, to me.
Back to last week’s stories. In the article the Lanagan mayor said that the Fire Chief and the City Clerk “had become involved a personal relationship.” When the fire chief’s wife (who was also a City Council member) discovered this cozy relationship, she apparently took matters into her own hands According to the article. “On Tuesday, [Mrs.X] was arrested on a charge of felony assault after she allegedly struck [the clerk] with a boat paddle outside City Hall.” Doesn’t that beat all? Around here a canoe paddle is a frequent method of assault. Much easier on the hands. About once a year some Bubba Sixpack has a little too much suds while floating on the creek and decides to whack the old lady with an oar to straighten her out. So far this year it hasn’t happened (to our knowledge) but the canoe season is young. Apparently it is still a good way to stake your claim of possession around City government. The Fire Chief and Council Member resigned and the Clerk was reprimanded, but allowed to keep her job. Local wags tell me she is a very friendly girl. I wouldn’t know, myself.
Cozy relationships in city government is not confined to Lanagan. It is common in small towns. In Noel a few years ago the Mayor’s husband served on the City Council. Currently in Pineville the Mayor’s husband is the City Marshall. All legal, but these kinds of relationships often don’t pass the smell test. I’m sure that isn’t currently. They are all apparently paragons of virtue and we certainly wouldn’t want any government solely in the hands of a few families.
The third front page story was about the Pineville City Council meeting. Apparently there was a dire need for a new car for the Marshal’s department. While this was being discussed, an amazing coincidence occurred. A second car with high mileage had broken down and left the deputy stranded. Crisis! Immediately a motion was made to purchase two vehicles. (How do you spell manipulation, boys and girls?)
The fourth front page story was about the school budget. It remains to be seen whether any actual crimes were committed or averted by that doughty crew, although Marilyn thinks it is criminal that they are placing schools away from the towns. It appears that they are oblivious to consequences of such actions– destroying the hearts of communities, encouraging needless sprawl and make it impossible for children to walk to school – thus making the county more dependent on busing and expensive fuel instead of putting that money into actual education.
Lucky
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